Corey Gunnestad

One magical night, a lonely young boy named John makes a special wish that his teddy bear will come to life and be his best friend. And on that special night, the fates decide to grant him his wish. The next morning, John introduces Teddy to his absolutely freaked-out parents. Flash-forward 25 years, and John has grown up into a strapping young man who looks astonishingly like Mark Wahlberg. Best friend, Teddy, now just called plain Ted, has grown up, too, but only in maturity…or lack thereof. John and Ted now spend their afternoons getting high in front of the tube and talking trash about women.

Alfred Hitchcock was a supremely gifted and innovative filmmaker and master of suspense…and a bit of a psycho in his own right, according to recent biographies on him. His films are the benchmark standard that nearly every suspense thriller since has taken its cues from. And in 1954, Hitchcock shot Dial M for Murder in the 3D format at a time when the novelty of 3D films was waning.

There was a time long before the Twilight era when vampires were stylishly suave, spoke with heavy European accents, resided in palatial gothic stone mansions, and didn’t get their wardrobes from Abercrombie & Fitch. Based on the popular cult soap opera from the late ’60s that ran for more than 1,200 episodes, Dark Shadows tells the story of a young 18th century aristocrat, Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) who foolishly spurns the love of a vindictive witch ironically named Angelique (Eva Green). Proving that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, Angelique places a curse on him and his entire family line. After witnessing his beloved fiancée take a suicide plunge off a seaside cliff while under a spell, Barnabas is condemned to be a vampire and then promptly sealed in a coffin and buried. And you thought your ex was a raving psychopath.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the sexiest hunk of all? If given a choice between G.I. Joe or Ken, who do you think Barbie would choose? It’s a rhetorical question, but the answer is obvious all the same. And even though the handsome Prince in Snow White and the Huntsman isn’t exactly a Ken doll, he’s still hopelessly out of his depth here. A woman’s quest to stay forever young and beautiful can go to some pretty obsessive lengths depending on the woman (so I’m told), and in the kingdom of Tabor, the Evil Queen Ravenna is taking it to the harshest of extremes. Snow White, total hottie and legitimate heir to the throne, poses the last remaining threat to the queen’s eternal beauty and supreme rule, so drastic measures are called for.