OTHER TECH

What's Wrong Okay, the TV is unpacked, the deliverymen are gone, and the high-def cable is hooked up - you're ready to rock with your new HDTV. The screen comes alive and . . . yikes! A little too alive. The picture is so bright, everything looks washed out. Don't look, Marion! Keep your eyes shut!

The Problem One trick TV makers pull is cranking up the brightness and contrast on every TV at the factory to make sure that no matter which one ends up on a sales floor, it'll be bright enough to stand out. Unfortunately, this means your set might be more useful for signaling Batman than watching movies.

The Cure You need to calm that picture down. At the very least, lower the contrast about halfway. But beyond just turning down the brightness and contrast, it would help to get the best possible picture - which means tweaking the color, tint, and a few other settings you've probably never heard of (color temperature, anyone?). Setup DVDs like the Avia Guide to Home Theater or (plug, plug) Sound & Vision Home Theater Tune-Up will get your TV attracting attention for the right reasons.

What's Wrong Luke's racing down the trench at full throttle, Vader in hot pursuit, and he's just about to vaporize the Death Star when - his cellphone rings. Oh, hold on, it's your cellphone, not Luke's. Let's just pause this sucker . . . wait, that's the TV remote . . . dammit, I just changed the channel instead . . . Arg, that's loud! Gotta turn it down . . . where's the receiver remote? Not in the cushions again . . .

The Problem Having too many remote controls is fast becoming a new American tradition. Even the most basic home theaters typically have three (for the DVD player, receiver, and TV). Add to that controllers for your cable box, your old VCR, and any other gear (amplifiers, CD recorders), and it's definitely time to raise the threat level to Code Orange.

The Cure Three words: universal remote control. Many companies specialize in making these magic wands that will let you see the surface of your coffee table again. Plus they almost always come with backlighting - essential when you want to turn down the volume but don't want to kill the mood for your date.

What's Wrong Itching to bask in the light of your new wide-screen TV, you pop a DVD with your favorite episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer into your player. Trouble, though: Buffy and Co. all look like they've been crushed - in fact, the whole picture looks stretched. Er, is this the episode where some demon tries to destroy the world by clumsily applying Photoshop?

The Problem As Buffy might say, the aspect ratio settings on your DVD player and TV, like, totally clash. Chances are your player is set up to send its video signal to a TV with a standard squarish (4:3) aspect ratio, so the widescreen set stretches it to fill its screen. But the TV's display setting might also be to blame (an absolute epidemic in sports bars, which often spend thousands on plasma TVs and not one dime on proper setup). The opposite problem - where everything onscreen is squeezed thinner than the models in a Victoria 's Secret catalog - happens when your player thinks you've got a widescreen (16:9) TV when you really don't. It probably thinks you drive a Mercedes, too.

The Cure Cue up your DVD player's setup menu, find the aspect ratio setting (often called "screen shape"), and exorcise those stretch demons. And while you're at it, check your TV's display setting to be sure it's not set to make everyone look like Danny DeVito.