TECH2

I went to Best Buy yesterday to buy a Blu-ray. I needed some latest 3D piece of crap to use in an upcoming review of a 3D projector. Upon checkout, the clerk asked if I wanted a service plan on the Blu-ray.

I’m going to repeat that. The clerk asked if I wanted a service plan on the Blu-ray disc.

He was serious.

I looked at him with what I can only describe as incredulity. Surely, he was just going through the rote memorization typical of Best Buy employees. Surely, he would correct himself when he realized he was selling me a $24.99 Blu-ray disc and not a $99.42 Blu-ray player. Surely, we’d share a good and hearty laugh about his riotous mistake. A service plan on a Blu-ray disc. Hilarious.

Nope. He misread my look of disbelief as one of scornful disdain. To be fair, I can’t be positive that’s not what I looked like. I am not amazing at hiding my emotions.

“Well, um, I guess it’s more for people who have kids,” he sheepishly said, as if this explained it all.

Now at this point, I’m not entirely sure how to take this. I do not, thank the FSM, have children. I am, if I’m honest, of a certain age where I could have kids. But this is LA dammit, none of my friends here have kids. Perhaps more perplexing, I’m buying Kung Fu Panda 2.

So do I take this as a compliment? Did he think I wasn’t old enough to have kids? I doubt it, I’ve looked 30 since I was 20. But wait a minute, why was I buying a kids movie on Blu-ray if I didn’t have kids then?

Crap, he was speaking again.

“You know, for scratches and stuff.”

Ever tried to scratch a Blu-ray? Not easy. Are there really people whose children are old enough to run a BD player, but not old enough to understand not to use them as Frisbees (kids like the Frisbees, right?). Of these mythical people, are they really burning through Blu-ray copies of Finding Nemo so often that spending money on a service plan actually makes sense?

No, of course not. That’s presuming an altruistic mentality by Best Buy, one where they offer service plans as a benefit to the consumer, not as an additional revenue stream. Remember, this is the company who proudly sells a $935 HDMI cable and a $1,450 USB cable.

I shook my head “no,” stupidly forgetting to ask what the price was.

I can find no mention of a Blu-ray disc service plan on their website. Maybe he was mistaken? I don’t know, but that it’s not surprising to any of us that BB could have an extended warranty on a Blu-ray disc is perhaps the sadder part.

Originally, I had wanted to write an article about all the things BB sells that they could have warranties. Think of the amusingness.

Except... it’s not funny. They probably do have a warranty on a CD holder or backpack. Maybe a joke could be had about the impulse-buy gum in the checkout line (if it loses its flavor in less than 30 minutes, we’ll fix or replace it!). See what I mean, though, not much there.

A wise man once said that the lottery is just a tax on people who can’t do math. Seems like Best Buy is a tax on people who don’t read the Internets.