Apptitude

Venture capital is flowing into an array of startup services poised to exploit the emerging trends of 2018. We know because we happened to retrieve a document entitled “Where to Put Your Money Now” that had fallen out of the pocket of a tuxedo-clad capitalist as he stepped into a black limo and sped off.

His loss is your gain. The list of companies, any of which could become the next Amazon, follows.

AV Equipment of the Month Club
Fruit of the Month Club, move over. The new AV Equipment of the Month Club will send subscribers handpicked components direct to their man caves. Just make sure you save the box in case you want to return something. What do you mean you already have a DVD player?

Open Box of the Month Club
Each month you’ll receive a box of stuff selected from the returns pouring in from the AV Equipment of the Month Club — but at an amazing 50 percent discount! The only caveat is that you agree in advance to not return anything. (That’s why things are sent from an undisclosed location.)

Opt-In America
This service will pay you to let them watch you and your family watch TV. Sure, it means keeping the camera on your TV powered on 24/7, but just imagine the cash that will be coming your way as all America discovers what stimulates your endorphins.

Virtual Date Night
Now you can share a movie with a blind date anywhere in the world. You’ll be synced to the same program. You’ll both be able to see each other and converse. And you’ll be together for as long as you like. What (virtual) fun! Chosen the number-one entertainment app at McMurdo Station, Antarctica.

Popcorn On Demand
Why go to the trouble of getting up to use the microwave when you can simply touch the Popcorn-on-Demand icon on your phone? You’ll have lukewarm buttered popcorn delivered gluten-free to your door within 30 minutes — or it’s free!

Multi-Screen Adviser
With 71 percent of viewers using the internet while watching TV, this nightly advisory service provides perfect pairings for multitasking during prime time. Examples: Superior Donuts, dunkindonuts. com; Grey’s Anatomy, webmd.com; This Is Us, adoptionnetwork.com; and Wisdom of the Crowd, facebook.com. Synergy, baby!

America’s Funniest Surveillance Videos
With security-minded consumers installing Wi-Fi-connected hidden cameras in their homes and workplaces, there are abundant opportunities for embarrassment to go viral. This service aggregates the best gotcha moments. Think of it this way: If there’s nothing on TV, you can always watch the office. (No, not The Office.) And if you’re bored at work, you can always watch a nanny changing a diaper. (No, not your nanny. Some random nanny who doesn’t know what she’s doing.)

Field of Asterisks
Why depend on a friend or family member for their passwords to stream Hulu, CBS All Access, or another service when millions of other people aren’t using their accounts at the moment? Field of Asterisks is a new kind of vacation time-share exchange. Just register one account that you actually pay for and list the times during the week you don’t expect to be online. That way someone else can tap in. Did you know, for instance, that Netflix will have 50 percent more original programming in 2018 than it did last year? There’s never been a better time to say yes to the share!

For what it’s worth (and it’s not much), all these startups have been capitalized by the renowned investor and inventor, Loof Lirpa.