Audio Video News

It had to happen. The gas pump experience - once a bastion of bliss where drivers could soothe their road rage by enjoying the mesmerizing effect of digital dollars-and-cents displays flashing ever faster - is now to be defiled by the presence of pump-top LCD monitors displaying ABC News content with stereo sound. Yes, the old Pump-N-Go will never be the same.

Gas Station TV (GSTV) is an IP-based digital television network that will begin invading local gas stations in the top ten U.S. markets by the end of this year. The network's 20-inch sunlight-readable high-definition LCD monitors will sit Siren-like on top of station pumps, luring customers to a watch a "constant stream" of select ABC News content (with can't-miss segments from "Good Morning America"); local news, weather predictions, and traffic updates; and "entertaining promotional material from the ABC Television Network" aimed at "a captive audience".

The new network's monitors are IP addressable, so messages and advertisements can be targeted on a station-by-station basis - and the content is updated several times per day so it is "always relevant and fresh". (There's nothing quite like that new-TV-program smell...) The full-motion video and stereo sound is said to provide an "immersive" environment.

One thousand Murphy-operated Wal-Mart gas stations have already signed up with GSTV. The network expects more such agreements to come.

In case you're wondering, the target gas-guzzling consumers for GSTV fit into the following demographics:

85 percent are 18-54 years old

50/50 breakdown between male and female

65 percent have bought gasoline in last seven days

Visits the gas station six times per month (I like to hang out by the microwave-burrito counter myself.)

Spends four minutes at the pump per visit (That's all I can afford.)

100 percent possess an automobile (By "possess" do they mean "temporarily" or "possession is nine-tenths of the law"?)

53 percent have post secondary education (If they're that smart, why aren't they driving a Prius?)

67.7 percent are principal grocery shoppers

66 percent of customers visit their fuel location 1.7 times per week

Average vehicle has 1.6 occupants

If you don't fit into those categories, you're allowed to avert your eyes from the monitors. Others may have to wear foil helmets to keep out the annoying messages...

And, please, don't use your cell phone will pumping gas. You'll miss the next message from our sponsor.