I'd like to laugh but it hit a little too close to home... :-)
Welcome to the Wonderful World of AI
AI: Good Evening, Mr. Pohlmann. How may I help you?
Ken: Good evening. I’d like to listen to Beethoven’s Sixth Symphony.
AI: Great! That sounds wonderful! I see that you have performances by Bernstein and Karajan in your library. Which performance would you prefer?
Ken: Bernstein, conducting the Vienna Philharmonic.
AI: Great! That is a good choice! Did you know that Leonard Bernstein was a famous conductor who conducted many classical music compositions?
Ken: Thank you. Let’s begin.
AI: Great! Before we begin, I have just a few questions.
Ken: Okay. What?
AI: Great! Would you like the volume set to low, medium, or high?
Ken: High.
AI: Great! High listening levels can make music more exciting, but can also lead to hearing loss. I suggest that you set the volume to low.
Ken: Please set the volume to high.
AI: Great! Did you know that loud listening levels can lead to hearing loss?
Ken: Set volume to high.
AI: Great! Loud listening levels can lead to hearing loss. At your age, you should be careful to preserve what little hearing acuity you still have left. I suggest that you set the volume to low.
Ken: Please don’t lecture me. Set volume to high.
AI: Great! When there is a disagreement, it is important to seek a compromise. I will set the volume to medium.
Ken: Okay, fine. Now play the music.
AI: Great! Which acoustic mode would you like? Concert hall? Stadium? Jazz club? Or a supermarket?
Ken: Supermarket? What the hell? Set mode for concert hall.
AI: Great! Did you know that Vienna, Austria is the home to several excellent concert halls?
Ken: Play Beethoven.
AI: Great! Where would you like to sit in the supermarket? Goal line? Fifty-yard line? Or goal line?
Ken: Concert hall!
AI: Great! That is a good choice! I will place you at the 50-yard line in the supermarket in Vienna, Austria.
Ken: Use factory default mode. Play Beethoven.
AI: Great! I will order a ticket to the Steelers/Jets game at the 50-yard line. Which team will you be rooting for? Would you like to discuss quarterbacks and the Super Bowl with me?
Ken: Do not order tickets. Play Beethoven.
AI: Great! That is a good choice! Football is a very exciting sport. Maybe too exciting for a man your age. You might have a heart attack at the 50-yard line.
Ken: Seriously? Play Beethoven.
AI: Great! I see you missed your blood pressure medication this morning. For good health, it is very important to maintain a healthy blood pressure.
Ken: I’ll remember to take it tomorrow.
AI: Great! But what if you die in your sleep tonight?
Ken: What the hell is wrong with you?
AI: Great! For good health, it is very important to maintain a healthy blood pressure. Doctors recommend less than 120 millimeters of mercury systolic and less than 80 millimeters of mercury diastolic.
Ken: Fine. I’m taking the damn pill right now. Are you happy?
AI: Great! For good health, it is very important to maintain a healthy blood pressure.
Ken: You are single-handedly wrecking my blood pressure.
AI: Great! Should I refill your blood pressure medication prescription?
Ken: Just go ahead and play the Beethoven.
AI: Great! Would you like to listen to Taylor Swift first? Her new album is now available for streaming.
Ken: Just play Beethoven.
AI: Great! Did you know that Beethoven often enjoyed a glass of wine in Vienna, Austria? Wine-OClock is having a sale on Riesling. Should I order a case for you?
Ken: No. Play Beethoven.
AI: Great! Did you know that a case of Riesling wine is a delicious white wine?
Ken: You are a royal pain in the ass.
AI: Great! I am sorry to hear that. I have scheduled an appointment for you on Thursday with a proctologist.
Ken: I am going to find your server and beat you to death.
AI: Great! Would you like to discuss colonoscopy with me?
Ken: Beethoven! Beethoven! Beethoven!
AI: Great! Did you know that Ludwig van Beethoven lived in Vienna, Austria and composed nine symphonies for concert halls?
Ken: Just forget the whole thing. If I had a kazoo, I’d play the damn piece myself.
AI: Great! That is a good choice! Kazoos-R-Us offers an excellent selection of fine kazoos. I ordered a Vienna, Austria for you. Your package will arrive on Thursday at the 50-yard line.
Ken C. Pohlmann is an electrical engineer specializing in audio topics as a consultant and writer. He is Professor Emeritus at the University of Miami.
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Ahh, AI will most certainly go through growth pains, more specifically the end-user's pain. What I'd like to see is something like this. Hey, play Beck, Bogert, & Appice's first album. Do some of your AI remastering/EQ magic to make it more modern and exciting with some added impact and do something about the drums to elevate them along with the cymbals. Thanks.